By Lian Dolan
Welcome to the 2018 Rosies, an alternative awards presentation for those of us who live in the Pasadena area and have not been nominated for an Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy or the board of our neighborhood association. ¬ the Rosies celebrate the other side of life, the side that includes waiting in line at the DMV, intently studying the Sunday circular from Target and occasionally scoring a great table at Urth Café, an act of grace that keeps us going.
For your consideration …
Most Satisfying Saturday Morning Triathlon that Involves Snacks
And the Rosie goes to the classic Pasadena Parent Tri: AYSO Soccer, Pasadena Farmers Market and an E-Waste Dropoff at Rose Bowl Lot D. By noon, you’ve already done more than Eagle Rock hipsters accomplish in a day. And your child has inhaled multiple juice boxes, two packages of chocolate chip cookies and three unwashed plums.
Best Spot for Hearing the Latest on School Acceptances or Rejections
Polishing the statue for De Lacey Beauty Shoppe in Old Town. Oh, sure, there are fancier nail salons with soothing paint colors and hot wax mitts, but there is no nail salon with more scoop per square foot than the always bustling De Lacey. You can hear it all here, from the lowdown on kindergarten acceptances to college rejections to why Junior is redoing his sophomore year at USC. (He just loved it so much, he wants to stay ¬ five years!) Bonus points for the details on everyone’s last vacation, so-and-so’s divorce and the magical pellets of Dr. Feel Young .
Least Likely Place for a Pasadenan to Run into Anyone You Know at the Grocery Store
Head on up to La Cañada, home to a half-dozen grocery stores, none of which are frequented by Pasadenans. Unlike San Marino and South Pasadena with their fluid borders, Foothill Boulevard is like a modern-day Maginot Line, not to be crossed unless one lives in the 91011. Good news for you Pasadena gals who just can’t deal with Whole Foods right now. You’re safe here in your Lululemons and no lipstick, even at Gelson’s.
Latest Beverage Trend to Overtake the City
Forget about $10 juice—that’s so 2015. This year’s Rosie goes to Coconut Pineapple Green Milk Tea with Passion Fruit Popping Boba. Or whatever concoction the latest tea shop to open in your neighborhood offers. Extra consideration given to those tea shops that involve long lines, complicated ordering options and a high volume of preteen patrons willing to stand in the sun for hours to get their Pumpbo-size tea. Not just a beverage, a happening.
Parking Lot Experience Most Likely to Wipe Out any Good Vibes You Might Have Achieved by Happy Hour Pricing or a Great Movie
A big shout out to Paseo Colorado! There is no law of the universe that explains the chaos drivers encounter every time they try to leave the underground crypts, er, parking lot at Paseo Colorado. Long lines at pay station? No attendants? Inexplicably blocked exits? Patrons screaming at gates to go up? Check. Check. Check. Check. Goodbye, happiness. Hello, hell.
Parking Lot Experience Most Likely to Wipe Out Another Human Being
By unanimous decision, this Rosie goes to Trader Joe’s South Pasadena, a parking lot so poorly designed it makes the parking lot of Trader Joe’s Arroyo Parkway look like St. Peter’s Square. We dare you to pull in and park without having to execute a 23-point turn. Before you enter, ask yourself this question: How much is Two Buck Chuck really worth?
Latest Medical Procedure to Fetch Big Bucks at Your Charity Auction
Our winner is Cool Sculpting, the socially acceptable fat-freezing procedure that gets those paddles a-raising during the live auction. It’s the new Botox of fundraising! There’s no shame in bidding up the number on freezing that midlife 15 pounds in front of hundreds of strangers. You’ll probably see them all in the waiting room and they won’t get to write it off as a charitable donation.