Ask any parent what they want most for their home and family and what will they say? Many will list peacefulness as a priority. If you ask those same parents how to achieve a peaceful home, they may not have an answer. Fortunately, we do.
We are ResWell, a team of child and adult psychiatrists, who provide care at the resiliency wellness center situated in the heart of Pasadena. We serve families every day who are seeking a peaceful home environment now that the chaos and uncertainty of the pandemic has passed. We work with a variety of challenges, including ADHD, depression, and anxiety, to help every family member overcome obstacles and thrive.
Mental health is not something to take for granted. Just like we have to exercise and take other steps to achieve an optimal physical condition, we need to do the same for our minds. The pandemic took its toll on all of us, and as we come out of that difficult event, we need to focus on personal well-being like never before. As parents, it is critical that we model what self-care looks like to our children so they are equipped to manage whatever life throws their way.
The steps towards optimizing your mental health may not be glamorous, but they are designed to produce positive results that will impact your entire family. Be the catalyst for the more peaceful homelife your family needs.
STEP #1 — Start with a Solid Foundation
A peaceful home environment begins with a foundation we like to call the ResWell Team Approach, which includes the following fundamental principles:
- Daily physical activity
- A nutritious diet
- 7+ hours of sleep every night
- Limited screen time
When issues like tantrums, fatigue, and brain fog disrupt your peaceful home, start with the basics. What is each family member eating daily? The nutrients that feed the body also support brain function. Are you and your children involved in a team sport or daily workout program? Physical exercise relieves stress as well as many of the symptoms of conditions like depression, ADHD, and anxiety.
What does your nighttime routine look like? Does everyone in the house practice good sleep hygiene, or do you remain on screens until the very last minute of your awake time? Is sufficient sleep a priority – not just for the kids, but for parents as well? Our brains require at least 1 hour away from all screens to settle down before bedtime. We cannot expect our brains to turn off as soon as we turn off the device. This is the first step to developing a healthy sleep hygiene. Adults need approximately seven uninterrupted hours of sleep each night and the developing brains of our children need 9-10 hours ideally to combat daytime fatigue and brain fog.
While you can tell your kids to eat right, exercise, and get enough sleep, it is much more powerful if you model this behavior with your own habits. Mirror the behavior you want to see in your kids for a positive outcome and a more peaceful home.
STEP #2 — Take Accountability for Your Own Behavior
We are a product of our environment. How our parents raised us impacts how we raise our own children. If the parenting approach that was modeled was unhealthy, there is a risk of that cycle repeating in future generations. The good news is it doesn’t have to be that way. We have the power to break the cycle for our children.
Accountability is the secret sauce that helps us change the trajectory for generations that come after us. When we take accountability for the parenting practices instilled in us by our parents, and determine whether a different approach better aligns with our parenting philosophy and goals, we find the power to do better for our kids. Before you impulsively react to your child, think about how your parents would have reacted and how that reaction would have affected you. Choose your words and actions carefully, thoughtfully, and wisely. This takes practice and patience. Aim for good enough as this does not need to be perfect.
Modeling accountability to our kids may be one of the most powerful tools we give them for success in life. Accountability is the difference between allowing life to happen to us and taking control of the life we choose. Teach your children the power of accountability.
STEP #3 – Replenish Your Own Cup Before You Refill Someone Else’s
How often do you get frustrated and lash out? This behavior is often indicative of compassion-fatigue, a real and harmful phenomenon that occurs when we don’t take time to refresh our minds and bodies. Compassion fatigue is characterized by:
- Feeling overwhelmed or exhausted
- Loss of interest in activities or people
- Reduction in empathy or compassion
- Increased conflict with family members
- Withdrawal and isolation
- Interrupted sleep patterns
- Difficulty concentrating or finishing tasks
Compassion fatigue was a common concern for healthcare workers during the pandemic. It is also a risk for parents who are neglecting their own cup before filling the cup of someone else. Just like the airlines advise us to put on our own mask before helping another, we must respond to our own needs before we can meet the needs of those around us.
What does it take to fill your cup? Only you know the answer to that question. What we can tell you is that filling your cup requires personal space. Your life may revolve around your spouse and children, but until you take time away from them for yourself, your interactions with those you love will not be as healthy or fulfilling as they could be.
Do you need more evidence to convince you that prioritizing your well-being is a vital part of your mental health? Consider that when you model a commitment to your personal health, your family will see the importance of caring for themselves as well. It only takes one family member to make powerful changes in family dynamics. Everyone’s mental health benefits, which contributes to a more resilient and peaceful family unit.
STEP #4 – Model Good Mental Health Practices
Everyone struggles from time to time. When we face challenges, it is our opportunity to model healthy coping mechanisms to our children. The first step is to effectively communicate when we are struggling to those around us. Positive psychology research has identified the importance of having a healthy support network of friends and family members.
Creating a space away from home where we can socialize with trusted friends is a critical step in managing our own mental health. However, it is equally important to know when to seek out professional help in the form of therapy, where you can have a safe place to share your challenges without judgment. Remember that you are never alone – there is always someone to reach out to when you are feeling overwhelmed or burnt out.
Good mental health begins with the solid foundation we described in the ResWell Team Approach. When you are consistent with these habits daily, your mind and body are prepared when the struggles arise.
STEP #5 – Empower Children to Make a Choice
Our choices shape our lives. As parents, it is our responsibility to empower our kids to learn to make choices early in their young lives. Helping them listen to their instinct and make decisions (with our guidance) promotes self-advocacy, confidence, and identity. It reduces anxiety by teaching them to master the art of compromise.
Our gut instinct is part of our central nervous system. We can derail its function when we tell our children their choices (instinct) are wrong. When they hear this message, they may stop listening to that instinct inside their minds in the interest of conforming and being accepted.
Dr. Navarro’s pro tip is to make sure the choices we give our children are age-appropriate and there are sufficient options to make a selection without getting overwhelmed. As a general rule, three options are the best – two is too few and four tends to be overwhelming.
You can model this behavior by letting your kids see inside your decision-making process from time to time. When they see you trusting your gut instinct on important matters, they will learn that the natural instinct inside of them is generally trustworthy and worth heeding.
Are Struggles Disrupting Your Peaceful Home? We Can Help
Despite our best efforts, struggles can still arise that impact your peaceful family life. When this happens, professional support may be what you need to get your family back on track. Dr. Navarro and his team of experts care for the mental health of children, teens, and adults. Whether your family is dealing with a specific condition like ADHD, anxiety, and depression, or simply needs assistance navigating the various seasons of life, we can help. Connect with us at ResWell today to learn more.
